Wolf's Haul

That the top predator has at last been seen on Blacka Moor is perhaps less remarkable than that it turned up its nose at the sheep on the enclosure. The suspicion must be that the quality of lamb and mutton in England is not worth the effort taken to swim over from the continent.

That is disappointing for two reasons; first for those of us who are fed up with the woolly pestilence and their baleful impact on the landscape, and second that the message will inevitably find its way back to others contemplating the crossing. It's known that traffickers were hoping to move into this market intending to diversify their business currently focused in the Med.

It may be better news however for dog walkers as information received suggests several smaller canines were carried off in the early hours of yesterday.

A spokesman from the AAP* reported one of his members was disappointed not so much by the lack of flavour in UK sheep as by the lack of challenge. "They're just so boring. All they do is lie down and look stupid. Just looking at them kills one's appetite. We need some excitement in our lives. That's what we're here for.

"Conservation managers look more promising but they're hardly ever here and when they do come they're unfairly armed with lethal looking chain-saws."

*AAP = Association of Apex Predators.